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Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Damn, it's been busy at work the past few days. It's hard to get one coherent thought down, so I'm just going to do a sequel to my best received post in recent memory.
The worst ways to make an impression on a first date...
Stare blankly and drool.
Use your cell phone to call 1-900-HOT-BUMS.
Use your cell phone to make dirty calls to her mother.
Use your cell phone to make dirty calls to your mother.
Pants the waiter.
Arrive with flowers, but keep them for yourself because you deserve a pretty treat.
Ask him what he thinks the two of you should name your first child 10 minutes into the date.
Cry. Don't give any reason for it, just cry and cry and cry.
Scream at anyone who tries to talk to you. Be particular abusive with the waiter for daring to take your order.
Ask if you can expect sex at the end of the date so you can know which restaurant to go to.
Go for a walk in the moonlight, but don't forget to carry a shovel.
Pillow fight! At the movie.
Moo softly in his ear.
posted
by Tabby at 9/29/2004 05:34:00 p.m.
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Tuesday, September 28, 2004
If you live in the south east portion of the United States right now you get buffetted by hurricanes. If you live on the west coast you get rocked by earthquakes. If you live in the middle you get more tornadoes than anywhere else on Earth. Mount St.Helens is starting to rumble again, what with it being an active volcano, and Hawaii has even more. Alaska is just really damned cold in winter. Throw on top of this a murder rate far in excess of any other industrial nation and you have one dangerous country.
You gotta give it to Americans. Despite all that, they still feel like their nation above all has been blessed by God. That's optimism!
posted
by Tabby at 9/28/2004 01:06:00 p.m.
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Thursday, September 23, 2004
The worst ways to make an impression at a job interview...
Come in with your arms stretched in front of you like you're flying while making WOOSH sounds before sitting down.
Instead of a handshake, try a nice big hug!
Whenever a question is asked about your past, start weeping inconsolably.
Wear your underwear on the outside, and explain with, "I don't like when it gets poopy."
Talk as loud as you can without actually shouting.
Give the interviewer a wedgie, then say you're just kiddin' with him as you give him a noogie.
When you're asked to have a seat, explain that you can never sit down or "they" will get you.
Go in, do some magic tricks, maybe some juggling, and end on a song.
When you're asked to take a seat, sit on her lap and ask if you can call her "Mommy."
Ask if you're only allowed to drink beer and wine at work, or is hard liquor permitted?
Pick your left nostril, eat it, then pick your right nostril and before it gets to your mouth, stop and say, "Oh, sorry. Want some?"
Keep getting a faraway look in your eyes and giggle softly.
Whenever you're asked a question, reply indignantly, "That's none of your business!"
As soon as the interview starts to talk, put your hand to their mouth and say, "Shhhh! Just sit there and keep looking pretty!"
Ask one simple question... "Hey! Didn't we meet at the NAMBLA weekend in Aspen?"
Refuse to talk about anything other than how George Lucas is ruining the original Star Trek trilogy. Yes, you read that right. Star Trek.
End the interview with, "Oh god, I think I love you..."
posted
by Tabby at 9/23/2004 03:12:00 p.m.
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Wednesday, September 22, 2004
It's officially autumn! Whoooo! I love this season, or at least the early part before the snow hits. The colours are amazing and a little nip in the air is just perfect. Winter on the other hand I'm not looking for, unless there aren't too many -30 days, and as long as I don't have to walk in the low, low temperatures.
posted
by Tabby at 9/22/2004 04:49:00 p.m.
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Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Don't say "Hello" say "I listen to Joe!"
No. I refuse to answer my phone by giving you free advertising you damned radio vultures. I know they have this in other cities, radio stations offering you a chance at money if you answer the phone by giving them advertising. In Edmonton it's Joe FM, in Calgary it's Jack. They both want you to answer the phone live or on your machine with "I listen to Joe/Jack!" Other stations in other cities want something similar, or at least mention them somewhere, especially on your voice mail ("...and Power 92 plays today's best music, now show me my money!")
Considering how few people are actually going to win the money, this makes for very cheap advertising. It's quite brilliant actually. But still, to have otherwise normal adults answering their phone in such a silly manner is twisted and wrong. Not that I can blame the stations. You do what you can. But come on people, answer the phone normally! Don't cave in to free money! It's not free if it comes at the cost of your self-respect!
posted
by Tabby at 9/21/2004 08:44:00 p.m.
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Monday, September 20, 2004
I took a little walk over to the River Valley earlier and was looking down at the beautiful autumn foliage surrounding the river and it got me to thinking how developers must be salivating over that land and how they must want to build like crazy by the river.
That got me thinking about developers. For as long as I can remember, books, comics, television, and movies have always portrayed developers who want to build over parks or historic sites as evil and they're usually thwarted by a ragtag gang of plucky kids. In real life however, if they get enough politicians in their pockets, especially the "pro-business" types, they find a way to build over parks and historic sites and tear down old buildings in favour of glass and steel. There are historic neighbourhoods in Edmonton that are trying to stop or at least slow down condo developments to keep the integrity of their neighbourhoods intact, and I was reading in Archaeology magazine the other day about how American Civil War battlegrounds are being lost to new developments.
I could certainly find other examples in this great city, I'm sure you can easily find examples in your hometown. I'm starting to wonder if the problem is that most of the opposition to rampant, greedy developing comes from adults. Maybe we need more plucky kids getting involved, especially if they are in ragtag groups(I'll say "groups" now instead of "gangs", because kids today in any sort of gang, no matter how ragtag, are probably more interested in hot rods and rumbling than they are in standing up to evil developers (I'm assuming about the hot rods and rumbling, as most of my information on gangs comes from older movies)).
So come on, today's youth! Where is your pluck? We need your help to thwart greedy Old Man MacDonald or whatever his name is! The future of your history depends on you! Come on, think of it as a real-life video game.
Damned television and video games. They've sucked the pluck right out of our children. I wouldn't be surprised if Old Man MacDonald is involved in this dastardly deed. He'll get away with it too without those darned kids to foil him.
posted
by Tabby at 9/20/2004 01:17:00 p.m.
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Sunday, September 19, 2004
As an Albertan I'm supposed to feel bad for the plight of our cattle ranchers who are being devastated by the American ban on our beef due to the Mad Cow disease found in a cow here. I do feel bad, but that is somewhat tempered by the fact that these are good rural folk who most likely vote Progressive Conservative in provincial elections, and Conservative federally.
One of the things that appeal to these voters is the idea of personal responsibility and they tend to hate welfare, a provincial responsibility. The amount people receive on welfare in Alberta, one of the richest provinces in Confederation, hasn't increased in years, possibly over a decade, and is harder to get on now than it used to. While it was the Liberals who have cut back on federal Employment Insurance (formerly Unemployment Insurance), conservatives didn't raise a stink because it's yet another taxpayer handout to people who should learn to save and need to get jobs. I'm sure we're all familiar with conservative economics.
Which brings me back to cattle ranchers. These are fine outstanding rugged individuals with fine outstanding conservative values. And what's the first thing they do when financial hardship rears its ugly head? Go running for government handouts just like those lazy good-for-nothing laid off factory workers! What, they don't save for a rainy day? They can't get off their asses and get a new job? No, they want MY tax dollars to pay for their shortsightedness!
It's hard to feel sympathy for people who will elect politicians who feel no sympathy for people in need.
posted
by Tabby at 9/19/2004 07:10:00 p.m.
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Saturday, September 18, 2004
I hate George W. Bush.
There, I said it. The accusation gets thrown around a lot on a message board I frequent, and a lot of lefties go "I don't hate him, I hate his policies!" Well, not me. I hate him. I think he is a vile, corrupt piece of human detritus. I don't get how he keeps coming off tops in polls as the candidate people would most like to hang out with. Not only are his policies reprehensible, he just doesn't come across to me as someone who would be pleasant to be around at all.
I've also heard people defend his intelligence, saying he may not be book smart, but he is smart. If this man is truly intelligent, then he is evil. His policies have hurt the environment, cost jobs, and resulted in thousands of lost human lives while further enriching the wealthy. Stupid or evil, it's one or the other. Not that I have anything against dullards, but just don't give them a job that lets them fuck up countless lives.
It's a good thing I'm likely never going to meet the man. I'd probably be able to hold back enough to not spit in his face, but I'd still break enough protocol to create an international incident. He is just nasty, putrid filth. Does all this colour how I see his every action? Damned right it does. He was foisted into power by people with a lot of money who want even more money and by fundamentalist Christians, and every move he makes is to acquiesce to those two groups. You can't do that without hurting society.
So there you go. I hate George W. Bush, and I don't hate very many people. Good job, Shrub.
posted
by Tabby at 9/18/2004 01:41:00 p.m.
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I've long since been of the belief that one of the reasons I don't have many friends is my off-beat sense of humor. I'm sure there are other character flaws I have, but that has to be the topper. The problem is I know where my sense of humour comes from, why it developed, but it's become such an integral part of my personality that it's impossible to get rid of it or even tone it down without becoming a totally different person, and frankly for the most part I like myself.
Childhood pain, gotta love it. That's where the humour was born, at first of a need for acceptance but then as a way of keeping people distant. It works beautifully, let me tell you. I can make people laugh and I love that sound. It can be addictive. But maybe it's my particular brand of humour that people don't want to be around all that often.
Oh well, I've resigned myself to a lonely life. I have ways to keep myself amused, thanks to books, television, and my computer. I don't need anyone else.
posted
by Tabby at 9/18/2004 12:40:00 a.m.
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Thursday, September 16, 2004
Season premier of Survivor tonight and I'm stuck here at work. As long as it's recording properly it should be okay though. I was trying to tape an interview with Siegfried and Roy last night and I was positive I turned the VCR off so it would record it but I got home and nope, it was on. This happened with something else another night recently as well. Now I know when I left today that it was set up properly, so if my shows didn't record tonight then someone is coming into my apartment while I'm away and watching my television.
That would be quite the thing to say to the police. "Someone is coming into my apartment when I'm not home and is watching my TV. And they're using my VCR!" Not that I'd find it all that amusing if that was what was actually happening. I'm not worried though, and I'm not really that paranoid. I'm very familiar with my screwed up memory and have no doubt that I probably just didn't turn the machine off properly those two days it was on when I got home.
posted
by Tabby at 9/16/2004 09:13:00 p.m.
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I was thinking about what I was saying about sponsorships yesterday, and that got me to thinking about the major arena here in Edmonton.
Originally it was Northlands Colisseum. The Colisseum. That definitely brings an image of size, somewhere you can stage EVENTS! Sports, concerts, gatherings, all at the Colisseum!
After that it gained a sponsor and became Skyreach Centre. So it's a centre. A bit of a yawner, but at least "Skyreach" sounds good. Reach high! Go for your dreams! Sure it's the name of a company that supplies equipment like cranes, but it still sounds good.
Now it's Rexall Place. Rexall is the name of a drugstore chain, that's one thing. But "Place"? Jeepers, can it get any more friggin' generic than that? "Where is the concert, is it at the Place?" No no no. Not good at all. I don't think we can have a more boring name if we tried. Rexall Place. A name that conjures up... nothing.
So I wonder what's next. Pizza 73 Location? Volkswagen Area? It doesn't really matter who the sponsor is, but geez, "Place" has to go. Everyone calls it the Colisseum still anyway, so just keep that and stick the sponsor's name in front of it. Hey, if I was running Rexall I'd rather have my name on a Colisseum than a Place anyday.
posted
by Tabby at 9/16/2004 12:57:00 a.m.
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Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Oh! You know what would be a great idea for raising money for nations? Corporate sponsorships! Just think, for a certain amount of cash annually, you can have your corporate logo on the country's official flag. I can just picture the maple leaf superimposed with the Coca-Cola logo! How about the stars and stripes with 50 Texaco stars? The money that companies would pay to do this...
It doesn't just end there though. Logos are fine, but who wouldn't want to go visit Disney's Canada? How about The Chrysler States of America? Not that we have to stick that close to the original name. Here in Edmonton we had what was originally Northlands Colisseum. Sponsorship then changed it to Skyreach Centre, and now it's Rexall Place. So how about United Airways Land? I think Exxon Nation has quite a ring to it.
It would have to be major corporations that do this on a national scale. Municipalities could sell themselves to smaller companies. I like it.
So from Panago Pizza Town, this is Tabby saying good night, and Gods Bless Nikeopia.
posted
by Tabby at 9/14/2004 11:02:00 p.m.
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Three more days of this. I'm on evening shifts this week and can not wait to get back on days next week. The walk home just isn't appealing to me around midnight, and there is usually more senior staff on during day shifts and that always makes for a smoother time at work. And don't you just love when I talk about my work? There's nothing more exciting, more thrill-per-minute, more friggin' edge of your seat...
Bah. It gets stressful and I vent. That's what a blog is for! Well, maybe not a popular, well-read blog, but hey, ya gets what ya pays for.
posted
by Tabby at 9/14/2004 11:02:00 p.m.
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Sunday, September 12, 2004
Ah, nothing like a nice two day weekend to refresh oneself and get ready for another week of toil and hardship. Seeing as I'm not sure when my next two day weekend will be, I enjoyed the heck out of this one.
The problem this week is that I'm working all evening shifts, which wouldn't bother me so much if I had a car but I walk, and while I don't have to go through the worst areas of town I still have to be wary on this little daily trek.
I was in a Princess Bride state of mind on Friday but I don't have it on DVD, so I went to buy it. Both places that carry a good selection of videos nearby were out, so I was out of luck. Instead I watched the first two Star Wars movies. I was going to watch the whole original trilogy but fell asleep, so watch the last one on Saturday. It was also later on Saturday that I remember I have The Princess Bride on VHS. Dagnabit. Sorry, but I'm so used to my DVD collection now that I tend not to think about what I have on tape. Sure it's full screen and I've become a widescreen purist, excepting of course older movies that the full screen format was based on, the pre-television films, but I wanted to watch it so I did. And I got the theme song stuck in my head pretty much ever since. Damn, that's a good song.
posted
by Tabby at 9/12/2004 11:05:00 p.m.
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Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Damn, that was one fine concert last night. Sarah McLachlan was great and her opening act Butterfly Boucher was great (and signed copies of her CD too).
The only damper on the night was that for some reason I was stuck on the aisle at the end of the most restless row in Rexall Place. These people could not for anything keep their asses in their seats. I don't know if there is an acceptable amount of times to stand up and let people pass, but when you start getting past ten enough is enough. At one point this one couple got up at one time then came back to their seats seperately. Oh come on now!
This ruined a good part of Butterfly Boucher's set for me, and I was concerned that people would try to get past me during Sarah McLachlan singing "Building a Mystery", my favourite song of hers. They didn't, but it was at the point where I was waiting for it to happen and anticipating it, so I still didn't get full enjoyment from the ditty.
Oh, and I've got a nice little grease spot on my new $30 tour t-shirt from the onion rings I was eating that spilled out on the shirt as I got up to let people pass, but at least that was in the beginning when they were just going to their seats. The spot isn't too terribly visible and I'm hoping it'll come out somewhat in the wash.
I've also come to the conclusion that opening acts are like substitute teachers. No matter how good they are, they just don't get the respect they deserve. I could here the murmer of voices all around as I was listening to Butterfly perform. Not only is that rude, they were missing out on some damned fine music (check out her debut CD, "Flutterby", if you get a chance). The applause was somewhat tepid, but that was more in comparison to the applause Sarah got. That's actually to be expected, even though I thought she deserved better (not better than Sarah, because that's a lot of years of love built up with her fans, just better than she got).
So despite the low points, none of which were on stage, I had a great time. Maybe I shouldn't wait so long before going to an actual music concert again.
posted
by Tabby at 9/08/2004 04:10:00 p.m.
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Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Whoooo! Sarah McLachlan TONIGHT! I can't wait! This concert is going to ROCK!
Okay, maybe not "rock" in the traditional sense, but there will be some damned fine music. I'm also looking forward to hearing her opening act, Butterfly Boucher. I've only heard good reviews of her music so that should be a treat as well.
This is going to be my first regular music concert (not including Lilith Fair or this Rock'n'Roll review I saw a while back or live music at a bar) in many, many years. Hell, I've seen more comedy concerts (Howie Mandel twice and Bill Cosby twice (I'm not sure I can include the stars of Whose Line is it Anyway? as a concert)) than I've seen musical concerts. But then, I love comedy more than I love music. People find it hard to believe that I find Gilbert Gottfried sexy, but he's smart and he makes me laugh, so I find him sexy.
But I'm wandering, so back to the concert. When I bought my ticket, I just selected the "best seat available" option. Today I checked out a map of the venue and it's looking like I've got a damned good seat. Not too close that the speakers deafen me, but close enough that I'll actually be able to make out faces. Though with my comedy concerts I've done well in the past, sitting some four to six rows back the first time for Howie and for Bill. My second time for Bill was further back, and I can't remember where I sat for my second time for Howie. I did pretty much that well for the stars of Whose Line as well. It's good to see their faces as expressions help add to comedy.
And I found my way back to the comedy concerts. Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing Sarah McLachlan tonight and it should be a darned fine show.
posted
by Tabby at 9/07/2004 02:31:00 p.m.
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Monday, September 06, 2004
I could not sleep Saturday night. If I was lucky, I maybe got about half an hour of shuteye all combined. That wasn't an issue last night.
That would also explain why I was feeling a little nauseated yesterday morning. That had me worried, because I can not afford to be sick. Not just financially, but tomorrow I'm going to see Sarah McLachlan perform. I've had my ticket for months and would hate to not go. If such a thing did happen though, I'd just give the ticket to someone at work. It doesn't matter who, as long as they have the concert time off, like Sarah McLachlan, and are willing to come and pick up the ticket from my sweaty sick hands.
Not that I ended up being sick. I've been looking forward to this for too long, so I will be there.
And I'll just have to record Big Brother and watch it Wednesday. There are only five houseguests left, so it's getting near the end. There are two players I'd be happy seeing win, and if they are smart they'll be able to get to the final two. Barring any unforseen wins by previously poor players.
Not that it matters, because I'll be seeing Sarah McLachlan live on Tuesday! I had to leave during Sheryl Crow at the last Lilith Fair because the five-year-old I was with was cold and tired, so I missed Ms. McLachlan's set. This time I'll get to see her in full concert glory!
posted
by Tabby at 9/06/2004 09:35:00 a.m.
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Sunday, September 05, 2004
The topic of John Kerry's medals has come up again, and it was being discussed over at the WWDN message board. Something has been bothering me about the whole thing, and that's how well people can remember someone from almost forty years ago. So I posted this...
You know, I've been thinking about this. John Kerry must be a man above men for so many people who didn't serve with him directly to remember him so clearly. Hell, I can't remember people I worked with on a daily basis five years ago, let alone closing in on forty years. I admire those who can remember treating his scratches above all those countless other men who saw them (I wish my doctor had that kind of memory), but I guess he put up such a fuss about getting those medals that they remember him as that lieutenant specifically. Whatever herbal suppliment they've been taking, I want some.
And what a visionary John Kerry is. To know that one day he would want to be president, and knowing that just having served wouldn't have been enough, he needed to have the medals too! Though he's far from perfect, because a supervisionary would have predicted that speaking out against the war would anger a lot of these people on the genius memory dietary suppliments and they would one day rise up as one unified force to stand against him. Well, not the ones who served with him directly, just those who only had second- or third-hand knowledge. All those imposing military men who bent over for Mighty John Kerry and gave him the medals that they would only realize almost forty years later he didn't deserve (damn, that's one fine suppliment).
I stand today in awe of the devious machinations of John Machiakerry for planning so far ahead in running for president, and in awe of traditional Vietnamese medicine and their incredible knowledge of herbs and vitamins. I want some of that... that... What was I talking about again?
posted
by Tabby at 9/05/2004 08:49:00 p.m.
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Wednesday, September 01, 2004
The
critics are calling
I
Was an Atomic Robot Jungle Vixen...
"Very
cool!" "Awesome!" "Good times!"
"Inspires
me..." A Critic - I
respect
"Cool.
And miles more exciting..." Someone Else -
You
might not know
"I
totally love it!" Whoo hoo! -
Posted
somewhere
"All
I have to say is... Cool!" Another Critic
"I
like the look..." An Opinion - YACCS
Comments
"You
think I have time to give you a quote? You're out of your
mind!" Wil Wheaton -WWfreakin'DN!
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