I was an Atomic Robot Jungle Vixen!

At some point yesterday, my pet fish Charlie died. To most people he would have been just a fish, not the kind of pet you can play or cuddle with so they can't understand why his death has hit me so hard and why I'm grieving today.
I've had Charlie for almost four years, certainly a good lifespan for a fish. He's been with me through a lot, and when I moved out back into my own place again last year, he was there in his bowl by my couch ensuring I never felt truly alone. I doubt he was able to recognize me, but he was aware when I was around. I didn't see enough people sitting beside him to see if he got as active with them sitting there. He probably would have, but still, right now I'd like to imagine it was seeing me that got him swimming around. I do know that he was able to recognize when he was being fed, when I put my empty fingers over his bowl once and saw him following them and then looking for food.
I was kind of numb when I found him dead. There was a brief flurry of activity when I tried to see if some fresher water would revive him, but it didn't. The numbness carried over until I did something I can't forgive myself for, I flushed him. When I saw his little body going down the toilet, I lost it. I'm sure I could have found some place to bury him, maybe even some place I pass by regularly so I could at least have a reminder, say hello, everytime I walk outside. Now the only reminder I have is the big empty spot on the end table where my fish belongs.
Goodbye Charlie. Thank you for being a part of my home and my life for three years. I will always love and remember you.

posted by Tabby at 3/14/2005 07:42:00 p.m.

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